How It REALLY Happened-Target in the Viewfinder: Fixer
by J Unleashed
Summary: Takaba is introduced to Asami's #1 nemesis, Liu Fei Long... and learns that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. A parody of the original story from "Target in the View Finder". Also contains the bonus extra "In the Heat of the Night".


~With sincere apologies to Yamane-sensei who owns the rights to the Finder series, but I just can't resist touching...

**Target in the View Finder: Fixer**

**. . . . .  
**

At a high-class hotel inside a reception hall, intrepid photojournalist Takaba Akihito is working undercover as a server at an exclusive fundraiser for a sleazy politician... because you KNOW any politician who would rent a fancy hall, invite a bunch of rich people, and serve them expensive champagne in order to sell himself like a street prostitute must be sleazy.

Takaba winds his way through the upper class crowd bearing a tray with glasses of champagne. He has a camera hidden in his sleeve. He notices a man with a well-built physique standing next to him, dressed in a stunning tux. He turns to offer the man a glass and then freezes; the man is Asami Ryuichi.

"Well, if it isn't Takaba Akihito," Asami helps himself to a glass. "You're apparently hooked on sex with men now... aren't you?"

Takaba looks at him, mildly disgusted. "You must be joking... I hated it! Why would you EVEN suggest such a thing?"

"Because," Asami smiles, "I've been watching you wander around this place, secretly taking pictures of well-dressed men."

"I.. I.. I'm an undercover photojournalist! That's what we do. We use all kinds of secretive methods to get a story."

Asami raises an eyebrow. "And that story would be…?"

"Oh... well…," Takaba says coyly, "I'm not obligated to reveal that information to you."

Asami gives Takaba a penetrating look, "You don't have a story at all, do you?"

"Well, not yet..." Takaba replies, distracted by Asami's gaze before his realizing his mistake. "NO! I mean... why are YOU here?" Takaba smirks, "Ha! You're stalking me, aren't you old man?"

Asami takes a sip of champagne and gazes lustfully at Takaba. "You ARE looking quite sexy in that waiter's uniform. How about you and I slip away from this boring soirée and in engage in a little… "

"Oh, Mr. ASAMIIII...!" The Sleazy Politician waves at Asami, "Can you come over here for a minute?"

Asami sighs heavily. "Excuse me. Somebody wants my money… I mean, my attention." Asami looks disappointed, and walks away.

The Waiter Boss appears behind Takaba and taps him on the shoulder, startling Takaba. "Takaba! Put down that tray of champagne and take out those two stinking bags of trash over there. But make sure you take them out through the FRONT of the hotel and not out the back."

Takaba sullenly grabs the trash bags and walks past a fancy lounge. He is suddenly knocked down by a Shifty-Eyed Man, who is being chased by two men wearing ugly Hawaiian shirts. They tackle the man and pull out a knife.

"OH!" Takaba quickly pulls out his camera and begins taking pictures of the Ugly-Shirt Men stabbing the Shifty-Eyed Man.

The Shifty-Eyed Man looks at Takaba desperately. "Uh... a little help here?"

Takaba suddenly realizes what he is doing. "Oh...sorry!" He yells at the top of his lungs, "HELP! RAPE! RAPE!"

The Ugly-Shirt Men are startled by Takaba's yelling, and they take off running.

Takaba runs over to help the bloody man. The Shifty-Eyed Man peers at Takaba strangely. "Rape? Really?!"

"Habit," Takaba shrugs.

Takaba grins and begins to gloat, "Ah HA! NOW I have a story! Wait until I tell Asami…!"

"Asami? You know Asami?! What a coincidence..." The now-bleeding-to-death Shifty-Eyed Man hands Takaba a computer disk.

. . . . .

The next day outside of Asami's club, Sion, Takaba is stuck standing on the sidewalk because a Massively HUGE Lackey of Asami's is blocking his way.

"I need to see Asami right away!" Takaba tells him, urgently.

Massively HUGE lackey, Suoh Kazumi, grins. "Hot for the Boss, huh?" He winks at Takaba.

Takaba shakes his head, "No, no, no… you have the wrong idea. I want to GIVE him something."

"Oh, yeah... I bet you do," snickers Suoh.

Irritated, Takaba glares at him. "Look, you IDIOT! You're making a big mistake! Asami's going to WANT what I have..."

Suoh laughs hysterically, "Ooooh! Heh, heh, heh...!"

Exasperated, Takaba turns around to leave. "Oh never mind... I'll just mail it to him."

. . . . .

Later that evening, somewhere downtown in a rented Chinese Mafia hideaway complete with torture chamber and dungeon, recently kidnapped photojournalist Akihito Takaba finds himself bound, chained up, and dangling from the ceiling with his feet barely brushing the floor. He is being beaten by a man who not only does torturing for a living, but also LOVES his job. Several underlings are gathered around, watching. Suddenly, Takaba forgets about the beating because a sultry, Asian beauty with long silky black hair has entered the room.

Takaba turns to one of the underlings and asks in a low voice, "Whoa... who's that sexy woman? She's stunning!"

"Believe it or not, that's a man...," whispers one of the Chinese underlings. "Our Number One, Liu Fei Long. But trust me, there's DEFINITELY a dragon between those legs... if you know what I mean." He winks at Takaba.

Takaba is puzzled. "Why does he look like a woman?" A light bulb goes off in Takaba's head and he exclaims loudly, "Oh, A TRANSSEXUAL!"

Liu Fei Long screeches, "I am ALL MAN, I can assure you!" He composes himself and smiles sweetly, "Do you want to see my muscular chest?"

"I'll take your word for it," Takaba replies, sheepishly.

"Where's the disk?" Fei Long asks straightforwardly.

Takaba looks at him innocently. "What disk? I don't know what you're talking about."

Fei Long saunters seductively toward Takaba. "You don't remember? I could rape you. That might jog your memory." He reaches out and caresses Takaba's face.

"Oh, THAT disk!" Takaba laughs, nervously. "I gave it to Asami. Well, I actually slipped it into his mailbox because..." Takaba's eyes widen, "… wait, rape? You want to RAPE ME?! You... you're as bad as Asami!"

Fei Long gasps, shocked and dismayed, "You MADE LOVE with Asami?!"

"That's not... exactly how I would describe it," Takaba grimaces.

Fei Long bares his teeth and hisses, "Oooh! That... two-timing... BASTARD! Why would Asami pick a brat like... like YOU, over me?! I have been DISHONORED and I must have REVENGE! But how...?" He twirls a lock of his hair with his finger as he thinks.

Fei Long stares icily at Takaba and then grabs him and pulls him close. "A wise man once told me the only REAL solution to any problem... is sex."

Fei Long smiles viciously, "Have you ever seen a dragon?"

. . . . .

Much later that evening, a NAKED! Takaba is chained up in a dungeon. He is also both figuratively and LITERALLY butt-hurt. He hears a commotion somewhere and then Asami appears before him... in stylish, gangster-mode.

Takaba responds rather sarcastically, "Oh, right! You're the LAST person I want to see right now."

Asami shrugs, "Hey, it's either me or Fei... your choice. Want me to leave?"

Takaba glares at Asami.

Asami grins devilishly.

. . . . .

Outside the rented Chinese mafia hideaway, Asami strolls out the door with Takaba slung over his shoulder. Takaba has Asami's suit coat draped over him but his rear end is exposed. Asami chuckles appreciatively and smacks Takaba's bare ass.

Takaba struggles, trying to get down. "Would you quit it?! Put me DOWN, you idiot!"

Asami puts Takaba down. Fei Long suddenly appears on a balcony and begins shooting furiously at Takaba.

Takaba panics and tries to jump back into Asami's arms. "Pick me UP, you idiot!"

. . . . .

A little while later at Asami's penthouse, a teary-eyed Takaba wedges himself into a corner, looking thoroughly traumatized after a night of being kidnapped, beaten, shot at, and raped. A strange look comes over Asami face.

"Poor Akihito… I'll make it all better," Asami tells him, in a husky voice.

Asami takes Takaba gently in his arms, kisses him softly, and then… RAPES THE HELL OUT OF HIM.

. . . . .

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Next: Cage in the View Finder- Bodychase


End file.
